Friday, August 14, 2009

The Scene
Took the day off. For doctor's appointments. Joy.

My GP wanted to check my thyroid function. Can't believe it's been two months already since I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Have been taking my 75 mg of Synthroid religiously but no increase in energy or weight loss or mood improvement.

Today, the nurse bled me dry and the results should be back early next week. Doc thinks we'll probably have to up the dosage. Fab, I tell him sarcastically and walk out feeling betrayed by my own body. Feeling weak and broken. And clearly uber judgmental. F.

Appointment with The Female Specialist for my other health issues was even more of a mindfuck. To make a long story short I was symptom free for about a month but two weeks ago the symptoms came back. Today, the doctor says she won't do a biopsy until she performs the HORRIBLY invasive test that really exacerbated all my symptoms back in June. Ugh.

The doctor said she could do the test today but I decided I wasn't mentally or physically prepared. I might of teared up when I practically screamed NO at her. That's when she looked at me closely and proceeded to say something that went through me like a lightening bolt.

She says my pain is in the part of the body associated with the first chakra. She says not all patients are open to learning about eastern healing philosophies but she can tell that I am. She tells me the first or root chakra is related to fear and anger, family and career, security and self esteem. She tells me along with the Western treatment options, I should consider meditation. She says I have to address whatever's going on emotionally, make psychic changes, promote self healing.

And just like that her words lifted a veil and I could see. I could see that she was 100 percent correct. About all of it.

I am afraid. I am angry. Afraid of taking chances professionally, angry at myself for choosing the semblance of security over real fulfillment. For the first time in my life, I've been feeling insecure, unsure of myself, just unwell.

And it's not only professionally but personally. In the last year, I have been dealing with my mom's brain tumor. Then, right around the time all of my own health stuff started, I helped Mr. D through enormous turmoil in his own family. Both these major life events then stirred up sooo much about my stepdad's illness and untimely death.

No wonder I'm exhausted.

All of this came crashing down on me like a tidalwave in the car. And I cried and cried and cried. Then I called all the people who are my rocks - Mr. Diabolina, my mom, Sable Crow, Jean Bean, Peaches.

And then like the nerd that I am I went to Borders. I remembered a book called The Mindbody Prescription that Dr. Peeper had recommended I read back in June. He said it changed his life. He said it changed how he practices medicine. He said it changed the perspective of many of his friends who are doctors.

My mom, worried and weepy, suggested we meet for lunch. Because food makes everything better when you're Latina. So I suggested Lemonade. We've been dying to try it.

The options were super interesting and different and tasty. We opted to sample various vegetarian salads. And then we were naughty. Lemon meringue and red velvet naughty. Both felt better after that.

Spent the afternoon talking to my mom and reading and watching Oprah and reflecting. Just what I needed.

In the evening, Mr. D took me to Bar Marmont. Because he too knows food makes everything better when you're Latina. Love.

We started with the cheese and fig plate. Loved the brilliant touch of honey. Also wolfed down the boozy bacon prunes sans the ENORMOUS strips of bacon.

Our entrees: a Cuban sandwich for Mr. Pig and a burger for Mrs. Pig. What a meal. What a day. What a life.

Forget the Format Friday
No photo today. That's when you know it's been rough ;)
So instead of commentary, here's a list of some of my favorite things for fall.

Leopard print

DVF printed leggings.

Menswear inspired oxfords.

Camilla Skovgaard heels

Fur vests


Strong shoulders

Tough accessories



All things Diane Kruger.

All things Chuck and Blair.

The End.

p.s. Thanks for listening!


St.Jude said...

So glad to hear that Friday may be an official turning point in terms of healing. Let us know what you think of the book. I hope you start to feel better soon!

adeleno5 said...

You are funny and brave and glamorous and I sincerely hope that you feel better soon.

tam pham said...

i want to give you a hug!!!!!!!

Unknown said...

I really didn't know how I was going to comment ...until I saw "all things chuck and blair" lol. I hope you're okay. Just reading it makes me want to cry. I am avoiding all sorts of Dr. appointments right now...sigh. mindfuck. yes!

Sable Crow said...

Love this post, and--of course--you.

A little wary that all of your items are 80s 80s 80s...

Love "Forget the Format Friday"; totes LOL.

Sable Crow

Rachee said...

boo to more tests. yay for fab friends, family and food.

I hope you feel better soon - *hugs*

Kani said...

Sorry you're dealing with all this, I hope the book helps you find your way again.

amber said...

Hang in there. I'm glad that this may be a turning point for you, where you start to finally get back to YOU. {{hugs}}

ps, that pic of blair and chuck is so damn sexy. wow!

Jennifer said...

I hope that your healing (physical, emotional, spiritual) is just around the corner. Truly. Because I can see - just from reading your blog - that you are talented, generous, loving, and Fabu to the Nth degree.

Hugs, love, and prayers to you!!!

Lynn Tran said...

"This too shall pass."

Until then, hugs and more hugs from afar.

Fashion_Loving_Stylist said...

hugs and kisses coming to you from Oz.

Monica said...

It sucks to have health issues. I tend to throw myself into things I can control to forget about the things that don't work. It sounds like the book and alternative medicine options may be one way for you to deal with it all. And of course, food and shopping are always great distractors!

Lisa said...

Wow, what a day!! And, thank you for sharing it with us. Wishing all the best and sunshine as an end to your turmoil.

Victoria said...

Dr. Sarno has helped so many people including a friend of mine who was cured of her lifelong migraines through his book! I really hope it helps you for whatever you are dealing with. Feel better soon!

HazelnutPhotography said...

Paola, Nat & I went to Lemonade today. Holy.Fucking.Crap. I could die there and die happy.


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