Took the day off. For doctor's appointments. Joy.
My GP wanted to check my thyroid function. Can't believe it's been two months already since I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's. Have been taking my 75 mg of Synthroid religiously but no increase in energy or weight loss or mood improvement.
Today, the nurse bled me dry and the results should be back early next week. Doc thinks we'll probably have to up the dosage. Fab, I tell him sarcastically and walk out feeling betrayed by my own body. Feeling weak and broken. And clearly uber judgmental. F.
Appointment with The Female Specialist for my other health issues was even more of a mindfuck. To make a long story short I was symptom free for about a month but two weeks ago the symptoms came back. Today, the doctor says she won't do a biopsy until she performs the HORRIBLY invasive test that really exacerbated all my symptoms back in June. Ugh.
The doctor said she could do the test today but I decided I wasn't mentally or physically prepared. I might of teared up when I practically screamed NO at her. That's when she looked at me closely and proceeded to say something that went through me like a lightening bolt.
She says my pain is in the part of the body associated with the first chakra. She says not all patients are open to learning about eastern healing philosophies but she can tell that I am. She tells me the first or root chakra is related to fear and anger, family and career, security and self esteem. She tells me along with the Western treatment options, I should consider meditation. She says I have to address whatever's going on emotionally, make psychic changes, promote self healing.
And just like that her words lifted a veil and I could see. I could see that she was 100 percent correct. About all of it.
I am afraid. I am angry. Afraid of taking chances professionally, angry at myself for choosing the semblance of security over real fulfillment. For the first time in my life, I've been feeling insecure, unsure of myself, just unwell.
And it's not only professionally but personally. In the last year, I have been dealing with my mom's brain tumor. Then, right around the time all of my own health stuff started, I helped Mr. D through enormous turmoil in his own family. Both these major life events then stirred up sooo much about my stepdad's illness and untimely death.
No wonder I'm exhausted.
All of this came crashing down on me like a tidalwave in the car. And I cried and cried and cried. Then I called all the people who are my rocks - Mr. Diabolina, my mom, Sable Crow, Jean Bean, Peaches.
And then like the nerd that I am I went to Borders. I remembered a book called The Mindbody Prescription that Dr. Peeper had recommended I read back in June. He said it changed his life. He said it changed how he practices medicine. He said it changed the perspective of many of his friends who are doctors.
My mom, worried and weepy, suggested we meet for lunch. Because food makes everything better when you're Latina. So I suggested Lemonade. We've been dying to try it.
The options were super interesting and different and tasty. We opted to sample various vegetarian salads. And then we were naughty. Lemon meringue and red velvet naughty. Both felt better after that.
Spent the afternoon talking to my mom and reading and watching Oprah and reflecting. Just what I needed.
In the evening, Mr. D took me to Bar Marmont. Because he too knows food makes everything better when you're Latina. Love.
We started with the cheese and fig plate. Loved the brilliant touch of honey. Also wolfed down the boozy bacon prunes sans the ENORMOUS strips of bacon.
Our entrees: a Cuban sandwich for Mr. Pig and a burger for Mrs. Pig. What a meal. What a day. What a life.
Forget the Format Friday
No photo today. That's when you know it's been rough ;)
So instead of commentary, here's a list of some of my favorite things for fall.
DVF printed leggings.
Menswear inspired oxfords.
Camilla Skovgaard heels
All things Diane Kruger.
All things Chuck and Blair.
p.s. Thanks for listening!