Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Scene
I didn't mention that my doctor found the hypothyroidism last week by accident. I actually went in with different symptoms that have been bothering me on and off since April. My general practioner couldn't figure out what was wrong so he referred me to a specialist.

I didn't mention all this because today I was supposed to see the specialist. And I was supposed to get a test done that would tell me everything was all right. I figured there was no need to alarm anyone. Didn't even tell my mom.

Unfortunately, the test didn't go as planned today. The specialist found something - 3 abnormal lesions on an organ. So he is recommending a biopsy. It will be a four hour surgery. Outpatient. Just a week or so of recovery. Scheduling it for sometime in July.

I was fine as the doctor went through the odds with me. 80 percent chance it is not cancer. More likely, it could be the beginning of a chronic condition. One that 7 million other Americans live with every day. One without a clear cause.

There are several treatment options including medication, stress management and diet modifications. I can expect flare ups but sometimes the condition goes into complete remission. Don't feel like geting into more details now. Not until I know more.

I left the doctor's office fine. I felt relieved in a way again. Glad it hasn't all been in my head. Happy I know more. But by the time I got home and told people, I was messy and emotional.

I quickly realized I am not so much afraid of death. I am more afraid of how my life will change. I am afraid of how my relationships will change.

I am afraid of becoming a person with a chronic illness. I am afraid of how it will limit what I can do. I am afraid of not feeling like me anymore.

I am afraid.

Thankfully Peaches and Mr. Diabolina and my mom helped assuage the fear. They said all the right things, did all the right things and above all, they just loved me today. Amidst so much darkness, there is also great light and for that I am always thankful.

Juana, one of my oldest and dearest friends, said it best in an email - an email that simultaneously broke my heart and filled it:

Diabolina,

Life has dealt you a great deal of lemons in the past few months. I'm here to let you know that sugar and water is with you, too, always. Let's make some lemonade.

You've done the crying (and I've done a bit at my desk here at work) and that's a part of the process of dealing with things. But, don't wear yourself out with the crying and the negative.

Get up. Put on a cute outfit. Take a walk outside. Get the sun on your skin and put a smile on your face. No matter what, you will always have the strongest foundation of family and friends behind you. With that, you can get through anything.

Call me if you need anything at all. I will be there in a jiffy. I'll take the walk with you.

Lots of love,
Juana
"bring on the lemonade"


With friends like that, I am going to be fine. Right?




The Outfit

Forever 21 top and skirt

The Accessories
Chanel earrings and bag
Pucci scarf
Dior sunglasses
Marc by Marc Jacobs heels

The Grade
A









The Commentary




Built the outfit around this gorgeous new skirt. LOOK at that tulip shape.



Uber luxe for just $15.80. Love love love.














My signature colors were a must today



Wanted to feel beautiful and powerful as I stared down a super duper invasive procedure. We're talking torture chamber. Seriously. Traumatized for life.
















Was inspired by loads of black and white looks from the CFDA







































Loving how black and white can take you from the weekend






















To The Office















To evening












It will even work when I'm pedaling my memoirs someday ;)

26 comments:

tam pham said...

sending you hugs and kisses from dallas. email if you need anything.

HazelnutPhotography said...

big kisses. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

Peeper said...

Thank goodness for the love and support of friends...and for comforting words that come at the exact right moment. I know you'll be ok, but wishing I could help ease the scariness of the changes and unknown ahead. Positive thoughts to you always.

Peeper said...

p.s., you make sick look gooooooood!

lookrichbitch said...

lots of love from the emerald city! i have sugar and water for you too! and maybe if you're feeling a little wild, i'll bring the sparkling water!

adore your skirt too!

Mar5195 said...

Dealing with some lemons of my own I just wanted send you some big internet hugs!

You were just what the Doctor ordered for my Sunday morning. I swear when you came to my door I just about bursted into tears, I thought you never make it.

You are a very special person D. And I am forever greatful to have met you.

~ S

weezermonkey said...

Things WILL be fine!

Fashion_Loving_Stylist said...

sending you support all the way from Oz. It will be ok cause you have a great support network both in your real and virtual worlds. Good luck with everything.

Emily said...

So sorry to hear your bad news. Wishing for the best in July and glad that you have so many people to support you.

JCH said...

D - here for you, for whatever you need! I'm sure that everything will be fine...call or message me if you need to..whenever, day or night!

xoxo,
JCH

StartingOver@28 said...

Your friend is right. Good, beautiful things/people, surround you on a daily basis. Look at all your mom has done when face with her adversity. The breakfasts, shopping trips and adventures with you. You have the foundation built to tackle anything whether it be a new business venture or an illness.

Of course my friends would tell you to go buy a lottery ticket because this many bad things can't happen to a good person without a big reward.

Kate of All Trades said...

Ok. Well, that sucks. I know that you will adapt and thrive no matter the curve balls life throws you. But for now, it just sucks and I'm really sorry you have to go through this right now.

Ivy said...

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way :)....

~kelly marie~ said...

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Your positive attitude is really an inspiration. I know we don't know each other, but I have lived with chronic illness and autoimmune disease for 7 years now. If you ever need someone to talk to who has been there, or just a referral to a good doc in LA (I've seen them all!), please email me. Sending you good and happy thoughts.
lawnfawncards@gmail.com

WendyB said...

Just remember, if you have to have the thyroid taken out and take lifelong medication -- it's not that bad. My stepdaughter is doing very well after making that very decision, which was easier for her than putting up with lifelong monitoring.

ms.jillybean said...

You will be fine. And, as if you didn't already inspire enough with fashion, now you inspire with the poise and grace you show in the face of adversity.

ShoeZQ said...

My dear I am sending you all of the good wishes in the world. It's scary, I know but just think about all of the wonderful support you have fromyour friends and family and even from those of us you have never even met. Big kiss on 3. 1.2.3. Mwah!

Rachee said...

My heart dropped reading this. Sending you my best wishes and yay for fabulous friends and family!

♥Rosie said...

Don't be afraid pumpkin! :o)

I just wanted to share that it will be 10 years that my husband was diagnosed with Lupus (a chronic illness) this coming July. After countless pills, biopsies, flares and hospital visits he was told Lupus was out of his system 6 weeks ago. It has been a crazy ride but he's gotten thru it. I share this with you because even though the road seems hard up ahead you'll get thru all the hurdles.

Sable Crow said...

I love that you were drawn to black and white. Such a graceful statement in the face of chaos and uncertainty. Sometimes I wish life were more black and white, instead of all these shades of gray.

I love you and would do anything for you.

Sable

Jadelily said...

I am so sad to hear this news, but so very happy that you are surrounded by great people.

Milly said...

sorry to hear about your bad news, sending good vibes your way...it's great that you have fab ppl around you.


P.S. you look great!, everything about this outfit i love.

Ana said...

You, little lady, are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lynn Tran said...

Catching up on your blog ... big hugs. You will get through all this with strength from within and support from those who love you. XOXO

Grace said...

I know how scary it must be going through something like this. I've been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease (doctors aren't sure if it's Lupus or Still's Disease), but what helped me through the past 2 1/2 years is the love and support from my family and friends. Since you also seem to have a group of lovely people surrounding you... I know you'll be fine.

P.S. Please keep rocking out your awesome outfits! :)

amber said...

:( :(
I'm sorry that you're still dealing with doctor craziness. Lots of love and hugs coming to you. Please let me know if you need anything.

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