My mama's 6 month MRI today. We were at the doctor by 8:30. Laughing by 8:31.
By noon, the fear we'd both been wrestling with all week subsided. We'd been chatting all morning, distracting each other, and enjoying each other. When we're together it seems like nothing bad could possibly happen.
So when the doctor came in with the MRI results and quietly told us the tumor is growing and causing swelling in my mom's cerebellum, we were caught off guard. To say the least.
I hope you've never gone through something like this. A moment when you see your parent PHYSICALLY shrink with fear. They suddenly look tiny even though they've always seemed larger than life to you. All you want to do is protect them, make the bad things go away, fix this, end this.
So in an instant, the tables turn and you become the parent. You calmly ask the doctor all the key questions about next steps. And even though your voice breaks several times, you speak forcibly so he hears you, really hears you, so he knows you're entrusting him with the most important thing in your life. And when you see him taking you seriously, and maybe even looking a little afraid of you, you feel in control.
You also feel grateful. Yes, grateful. Grateful that she's not in pain. Grateful that it's not cancer. Grateful that you've had a year to metabolize the possibility of all this. Grateful that you've done the research, that you've talked to people who have gone through the surgery and the radiation.
You feel grateful that you have access to top of the line health care. Grateful that the minute you tell your friends the phone won't stop ringing, that your support system is so broad and unwavering. Grateful that you know it will be tough but that you will get through this; that this is not where the story of you and her ends.
Not even close.
And maybe most of all, you feel grateful that you can take her out for ice cream and make her laugh. Like she used to when you were little and afraid.
Forever 21 dress
Image wrap sweater
Manolo Blahnik heels
Louis Vuitton earrings
Stella McCartney bag
Built the outfit around the scarf. But the shoes got all the attention today. Like they always do.
Some big burly dude in the hospital said, "Nice shoes." To which my mom snorted and put her arm around me. She whispered to me, "What a pervert!!! Like we don't know that he MEANT nice legs."
Seriously what would I do without her????