Juggled work and doctor referrals all day. Talked to HR and found out The Office offers 6 weeks of paid family leave if I were to ever need it. Good to know.
Had lunch with my mom. Poured through paperwork together. Did everything I could to keep from crying when she said, "Don't worry - this isn't going to kill me."
On the way home tonight, her words ran through my head. For the first time in my life, I faced the fact that at some point she will not be there. I may not lose her to this tumor but at some point I will lose her. Imagining her not in my life is unbearable. Causes me physical pain.
The realization crashed over me like a tidal wave and I started having trouble breathing. Was crying so uncontrollably that I could barely speak. Is that technically a panic attack?
Sable Crow and Mr. D eventually helped me calm down. They also made me realize that it's so overwhelming to think of losing her because she's all I have. She is my entire family.
Sure there are some wonderful people half a world away who share my blood. But I have met my extended family exactly four times. They love me but they don't know me.
So she's all I have that is completely mine. That's what makes all this even more difficult.
3.1 Phillip Lim dress
Tarina Tarantino Hello Kitty bracelet
Stuart Weitzman sandals
Forever 21 rose earrings
Decided to dress up today. Figured I am not doing my mom any favors by looking a mess. Plus looking put together helps me feel more positive. Did a comfortable maxi in my signature black and white with the Chanel purse and flat gladiators. Added the Hello Kitty to remind me to smile - even if it was a world-weary one at certain points in the day.
When she picked me up for lunch, my mom told me I looked "hermosa." What a weird choice of words. She never says that. Typically she says "linda." Felt like hermosa connotes a more adult beauty. It's like the difference between saying "pretty" and "attractive."
I added a flower for dinner to help me feel more festive, distract from my blood shot eyes. We had a longstanding date with St. JudE and The Brown Devil. My mom decided not to join us. She needs to get up early for her citizenship test/interview. The plans ended up falling through anyway - our friends had babysitter issues. Boo.
Mr. D and I watched the opening ceremonies at home instead. What a stunning spectacle. How something so beautiful could be loaded with such ominous overtones is amazing - like the children handing the soldiers the flag. Yikes.
But what a gift to have the Olympics to distract us. To be bombarded with tales of the human spirit triumphing, the human body excelling. To have the world come together despite all our differences. If only for a few weeks.
p.s. Here are some black and white looks I noticed this week:
My mom loves Penelope and I actually want to see the new Woody Allen movie she's in primarily to see the chemistry with Javier Badem. But this outfit is a bit of snoozer. A pop of color would have been nice in the shoe. Maybe more dramatic makeup
Loving this shape dress on Jessica Biel. The pilgrim-goes-couture shoes are not my thing though. Sorry, Roger Vivier.
Here's LC showing off one of her dresses. Think she wore this strapless maxi to an event a while back, no? Think they are carrying her line at Bloomie's now. Must check it out.
Lauren's dress is pretty similar to this print on Molly Simms. Like my Phillip Lim better though. Especially through the bodice and neckline.
This is like the bad version of my outfit today. F. Am quite concerned about how schlumpy Katie is looking lately. Thinking New York scrambles her brain. And why is her hair getting shorter and shorter?
Now this outfit is black and white perfection. From Victoria Secret model head to Christian Louboutin toe.