Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Scene
Exciting things dancing around me today. We'll see how they play out.

Lots swirling around in my head too. Namely I pinpointed that I have terrific moments - like last night - when my heart is open, when I don't censor myself, when I am just me.

Writing this blog every day and finding my voice again and being validated for it has been so transformative. I'm more and more comfortable with being myself - every day, all day. Whether it's with strangers or with people I've known forever.

I just feel so free. Like a weight has been lifted. Like I don't have to be so exhausted anymore - drained from trying to be all things to all people. It's truly liberating to only have to be yourself.

I feel indescribably open - to people, to opportunities, to the universe. Why not? The alternative (being closed off, defensive, cocooned) is about fear and immaturity and self doubt. So many things playing out on this little screen. Amazing.

p.s. For work today I talked to a female author who has a book at the top of the New York Times bestseller list. As we had a lovely conversation, a light bulb went off. One that shed quite a bit of light on my ongoing professional struggles.

As long as I can remember I've always known I would write a book.

I've thought about being alot of different things over the last three decades: a psychologist, an English professor, a producer, a stylist, a small business owner, a waitress, the President. But the one constant has been that I'd write a book. It's like a given for me. Hoping the discipline and the openness that this blog is giving me is paving the way for making that life-long dream a reality.

There I said it :)

The Outfit
Old Navy Army green dress
Vintage Burberry trench

The Accessories
3 safari bangles
Forever 21 gold plated feather earrings
Cholocate knit scarf
BCBG chocolate waffle boots
YSL chocolate tote

The Grade

The Commentary
Still truly madly deeply in love with this dress. Makes me feel so Jane Fonda in Barberella.

Realized the dress was a bit short for work when a few men peeped my legs while I was sitting at my desk. Ugh.

Oh well. Thought the flat boots (soooo comfortable by the way!) made it a little less sexy spice and a little more 1960s mod.

Almost didn't wear this outfit though because I wore it exactly a month ago (WEIRD COINCIDENCE!) I must confess that I have been very conscious to not repeat outfits for the last 92 days that I've been blogging.

But I've always been crazy about not repeating outfits. I have a crazy good fashion memory. For example, I can recall what most of my friends have seen me in and what they haven't. I can recall what I was wearing on important dates 10 years ago. It's a weird skill I hope to get compensated for some day.

Last year, however, I was using this power for evil not good. I was essentially recycling the same look to different audiences. Sometimes in the span of a weekend.

Yes, I wore the same top/dress/shoe/purse for 3 days in a row sometimes. UGH, what a homeless person.

I was just getting so lazy on so many levels. It's actually one of the reasons I started the blog. When I hit day 3 of the same outfit in late December, I realized I had to get out of my fashion funk.

Now, I am realizing it's ok if I repeat pieces. It's helpful to see what a difference hairstyle, accessories and attitude can have on the same dress, no? Kinda a Lucky Magazine article waiting to happen ;)

p.s. A nice girl who I don't really even know at work called me "Skinny" today. She yelled out "Hold the elevator, Skinny." I didn't even pay attention. Thought she couldn't possibly be talking to me: I've never been skinny. I've never been fat but never officially skinny either.

She caught the elevator and said "Boy you're skinny. Do you work out?" I hadn't misheard.

I looked around for the hidden cameras and when I realized she was serious, I thanked her and told her I've been really focused on getting back in shape lately. It was surreal because this girl has a great figure herself and she was confessing she felt out of shape!

A great reminder that we are - without fail - our own worst critics. And that one woman handing another woman a genuine compliment can be so powerful.

We just have to be open to it.


MissJordyPants said...

I am SOO excited to read your book!

weezermonkey said...

The army green dress, the skinny comment, the unabashed happy openness and therapy of blogging -- I love it all!

BTW, Brother Monkey is inking a book deal soon with the same company that does the _____ for Dummies series. Should be neat. I will have to tell you all about it! :)

tam pham said...

the bangs are bangin'! was that too obvious?:-) p.s. you worked with Cutrone tell! is she really like that scary in real life?

Lynn Tran said...

You go girl! So glad to hear the power that this blog is giving you and can't wait to read that book of yours.

amber said...

so many warm fuzzies from this post! love love love it!

Unknown said...

oh my goodness. i love that you remember outfits from important dates... even way back important dates.
my bf thinks its the lamest "talent" that i have. lol. i too hope some day be compensated for it.

Jean Bean said...

REALLY dig this outfit. Very New York. We are so psychically linked because Friday I arrived at the same conclusion, but via a totally different path. I finally saw "The Diving Bell and The Butterfly" and I thought, if HE wrote a book I officially have NO excuse. And neither do you, so do it! xxxx

Jean Bean said...

BTW a strong visual memory, slanted toward outfits, is yet another mark of a fashion editor. I'm not going to say it again, dammit! OK, yes I probably am.

Blue Bird said...

1. Yes to book writing. I also hope to someday have the discipline to make that happen. Of course, I could just decide to do it and then it would happen. Haven't quite done that yet.

2. Barbarella. YUM YUM YUM. When I first saw the opening credits of that movie, I got light-headed.

3. Dude, I totally feel like a fatty sometimes, even though deep down I know it's madness. I'm naturally pretty thin. I should just accept it.

4. I understand why the elevator girl called you that. You are looking extra extra fly these days.

tam pham said...

thanks for the influx of comments! love being stalked! fyi, i replied to some of the questions on the same comment page! stupid question but i'm such a newbie blogger- would you have known I replied otherwise?

Cee said...

Have been noticing you looking fabu lately. You're starting to look toned. Totally jealous. I need to start shaping up.

R said...

Your hard work pays off. Bask in it. :) Oh, and your fashion memory is astounding to me. I don't even know what I wore beyond last week.


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