The See Through Dress Trend: A Rant

Like most fashion trends it started with Marc Jacobs.

He and Beyonce wore nearly identical see-through, um, looks to the Met Gala.  It was like that 90210 episode where Kelly and Brenda wear the same dress to the Spring Fling. Except uglier. Waaaay uglier.




I think Marc was just being Marc: tongue-in-cheek, provocative, avant-garde and anti-tuxedo boring. Beyonce, however, was dead serious about that slutty muppet of a dress.  

Believe me, I wanted to like it because I like her. But from every angle, it just looked like a trail of feathered after-birth. Yuck.

I wanted to scream: "I GET IT, BEY!  You just had a baby. Yes, your body is bootylicious. You run the world. But WHY must you try to flash where that baby made its escape at ME?"

I was appalled to see her end up on so many best dressed lists for the night and Marc on the worst dressed ones.  IT'S BASICALLY THE SAME LOOK, people! 

Those barely-there dresses got Marc and Beyonce so much media coverage (pun intended) that this week Kristen Stewart's people made her pick up the crazy baton with this Marchesa madness.  My first thought:  "FINALLY, the perfect way to accentuate your ovaries!" Yuck. Hate everything about this look but mostly hated how it was wearing her.

Couldn't believe my big judgmental eyes when Charlize Theron wore yet ANOTHER loco see-through dress.  To the same premiere as Kristen no less! I think Charlize is one of the most perfect looking women on the planet so the illusion of nudity on her offends me less.  But still, what ever happened to leaving SOMETHING to the imagination? I mean I can see the outline of everything that isn't being flashed at my eyeballs.




Maybe I'm just getting old and prudish and fat but I think some trends should stay on the runway. 

 Plus, I thought the era of flashing your coochie for attention was over. But I guess Britney is about to make her comeback. God help all our coochies.




Rant over because I don't hate this spring's peek-a-boo trend completely. Here are some recent looks that I've loved. They prove you can flash a little something-something while keeping it classy, San Diego.

p.s. For all you fellow Bravo fans, all I could think about while writing this rant was Andy Cohen coining "nude illusion" dresses on his WWHL talk show last year. That cross-eyed genius is always ahead of his time

Diabolina Don't

Celebs thinking they can design clothes just because, um, they wear clothes.

I heart fashion. For a lay person, I think I have a pretty good eye for it. Like most of the country, I love me some Project Runway, er, The Fashion Show too.

But I will never pretend to know the first thing about designing clothes or accessories for the masses. Just don't have the training. Sadly, neither do many of the celebs hawking their own creations.

Exhibit A:
White satin + lace + peek-a-boo + harem pants jumpsuit =DON'T EVER NEVER EVER DO IT. If it isn't flattering on one of the best bodies on the planet then why would a regular woman ever need it in her wardrobe?

Exhibit 2: Yes, the bustier is pretty. Yes the length is flattering. But see that bunching at the crotch? Subtle but not good at all.

Fit is critical for real women. If the fit isn't impeccable, it's not worth shelling out major cash. A Forever 21 piece that actually fits and flatters is always a wiser choice than a designer one that doesn't.

Exhbit C: White and satin AH-gain?? Couldn't be less practical or less flattering for real life. Bottom line: relive your magical wedding on your own time, Katie.

Now the jacket COULD be fierce in black styled with great denim. How bout trying your hand at day time separates? Or better yet cool mommy looks? I think the biggest underserved slice of women are young mothers who are struggling to reconcile their new identities with new routines and oftentimes new bodies. Why not give them stylish alternatives to sweats and sneakers?

Exhibit D: Loves the styling of this recent look: the grey shoe with the blue, the shurken leather jacket by The Row, no jewelry. But the dress is the piece Katie and her stylist are thinking of selling to the public. WHY OH WHY would the average sized woman want ruching across the hips?

Now I don't player hate on Katie. A good friend of mine is a longtime friend of hers. She's worked hard, had a bit of luck and made it. I get it.

But to have the means to create and promote your own brand would be a dream for so many of us who love fashion. The wasted opportunity to make stylish, affordable clothes that actually work for real women makes me want to weep. Seriously.

A message from JustSayNoToCelebrityDesigners.org.

Diabolina Don't
Forgetting the most important truth: we are all one.

Mr. B's No on 8 oeuvre:




And a little something I wrote many moons ago - it applies now, it applies always:

There are so many ways to connect
and be connected to people.

To feel tied to them. Intertwined and entangled with them.
To feel delighted or confused or suffocated or enlightened by them.

To know them at their core.
Sometimes just for a moment and others, for a lifetime.

To be able to see inside them.
And perhaps find yourself peering back.

To meet their demons - face to face.
And help their hearts heal
Or maybe open up for the very first time.

To feel them – really feel them – in your blood.
Like they are part of you, part of your heartbeat, part of your essence.

There are so many nuances, so many possibilities and probabilities,
when one soul dances with another,
when you play your part in another's comedy, your role in their tragedy.

I am learning that there are people you will share moments with –
good or bad, painful or joyous, life-changing or trite.

Experiences will bond you, fuse you together into one.

And then you will come apart – or you won't.
I guess it will all depend on the experience or the connection
or the two souls dancing.

So I want to try and let go and be present.
In every moment. With every person.
Because, well, you never know...

Diabolina Don't

Retailers comprising my credit card information.

There was a security breach at Forever 21. Ugh.
I thought their biggest crime was all the HID
fashion they've been stocking the last few months.


Read more about the Secret Service and Forever 21 here.
Especially if you're in Fresno :(

New Feature: Diabolina Don't

I know it's happened to you. It happens to all of us. It strikes swiftly and mercilessly. It goes by many names but I call it The Shopping Frenzy. And it's a big Diabolina Don't.

The Shopping Frenzy is that irrational thing that takes over when you buy clothes that you don't need or don't really want or don't have any business owning. They might be on sale or limited edition or made by your favorite designer so you justify the purchase.

The Shopping Frenzy makes you switch into consume, consume, consume mode. You turn off that sensible shopper voice inside you and turn into a big capitalist problem. Blech. It's not attractive and deep down you know it's not right but you do it anyway.

I have been pretty good about not falling prey to The Shopping Frenzy in the past few years. Only buying things I absolutely love. Thinking and rethinking the purchases I'm not sure about.

But out of nowhere, the frenzy took hold of me a few weeks ago. It happened at Barney's with the Rogan for Target line.

I KNEW the stuff wasn't me. Knew it from all that I'd seen online. Knew that I didn't really need any of it. But there I was buying it after reading what a frenzy it created in NYC. Buying it because it felt good to get stuff at Barney's (where I NEVER shop) that didn't cost a small fortune. F. What a dope.

All the warning signs were there. I expressed hesitation to Fancypants in the dressing room. When I got home, I didn't take the clothes out of the bag and hang them up. Two weeks later they are still in that bag. I don't know about you but when I really love something I wear it right away.



The final straw came a week ago when I saw two of my fave online fashion bloggers wearing the looks.



Confused? Let me explain, Childhood Flames is a teenager and Fashion Toast is in her early 20s. Both are model thin, no curves, deliciously waif-like. And they lead very different lives than I do from what I can tell.





The Rogan pieces fit them to a T. Me and my body and my life? Not so much. They are passable, yes. I could work them, yes. But don't really want to.


Not quite sure how I deluded myself. Probably the little cute details like the leopard print on the jeans and the colorful buttons on the jumper. I'm such a sucker for details. Sigh.





Well, at the very least I did get one good pair of wide leg trousers that are very me and tote bag that I want to be part of a greener me.

And I guess I have this cautionary tale to share with you to help steer you away from similarly misguided shopping frenzies.

New Feature: Diabolina Don't

Have been thinking about it for a while. Discussed it with Juana and Kate of All Trades. And finally decided it's time. Time to share some of my less than stellar fashion moments.

They are proof positive that no fashionista is perfect and that we can all recover from risks gone wrong. And hopefully they'll make you laugh because fashion shouldn't be so serious ;)

******
Diabolina Don't:
Mixing too many inspirations into one tragic outfit.

Inspiration is crucial in fashion and in any creative endeavor. But too much of anything can be a bad thing.

Here I was at age 8 channeling Debbie Gibson (see the Vendetta-like hat) AND Madonna (see the fingerless lace gloves.) Plus the coke bottles. What.A.Nerd!

The little flowery prim dress (very Marc, no?) would have been fine if I didn't over-accessorize it. If I just embraced me more than what was trendy. F.

BTW, my mom bares none of the responsibility for this outfit since at age 5 I stopped letting her dress me. However, I bear zero responsibility for her 80s mom look because I didn't start dressing her until I was 18 :)